Thursday, November 8, 2007

For All My Friends Back in Michigan

Detroit Traffic Rules

*Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Detroit has its own version of traffic rules. Hold on
and pray! First you must learn to pronounce the city
name. It's Di-troit, NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce
it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo
and here for the country Music hoe-down.

*The morning rush hour is from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends
are open game.

*If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
rear ended, and possibly shot. If you're first off the
starting line when the light turns green, count to
five before going. This will avoid getting in the way
of cross traffic who just ran their yellow light to
keep from getting shot.

*Schoenherr can ONLY be prounounced by a native of the
metro Detroit area. That goes for Gratiot too.

*Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75 and
I-275 is a way of life, just deal with it.

*If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is
probably a factory defect or they are "out of

*All old men with white hair wearing a hat have total

*The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85
regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is
considered downright SISSY.

*Oh, don't even think of allowing more than one car
length between cars!

*The attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors
in Detroit is NOT ornamental. DO NOT get out of your

*Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper
sticker that says, Keep honking, I'm reloading.

*If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 60
mph zone, people are not waving because they are so
friendly in Detroit. I would suggest you duck.

*I-275 & I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.

*It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge".

*That's not a lake, it's a pothole.

*If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better
hope you have a map.

*The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn
left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the
left, then make a left, then another left, then make a
right. NOW you have gone left.

Enjoy your trip to Detroit


Christina said...

True, True! LOL

Hidden One said...

Attractive wrought iron?

Queeny said...

I lived in Di-troit for about eight months after high school. We have relatives there. My most memorable experience: one day as I was walking to the corner store, I passed a guy on the sidewalk and I said "Hello." His response: "You're not from here, are you?"

I think New Yorkers may actually be a friendlier people.

keith said...

I've seen these kinds of things before and they do make me laugh. I think one of the funny things about it is you really do have to be from Detroit to get a lot of those jokes. The Michigan left is the best. Where else could it be so crazy?