Letter to Tech Support

I got this one in an e-mail. Very cute!

INSTALLING A HUSBAND*

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
Noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance,
Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which
Operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
Programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and
then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0
and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
Problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.htm l and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0
update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or
Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that
will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a
virus in the background that will eventually seize control of
all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is
an unsupported application and Husband 1.0 will cause it to crash.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You
might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support