Friday, February 15, 2008

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I know we've all received these in e-mails. I hadn't read all of them before, though. Worth a good Friday laugh, for sure.

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The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah
the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah
built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon
the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill
barrels of water and pour it over the altar He had them do this

four times.

"Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why
the Lord
would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know!
I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"


The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy
looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly,
"and she turned into a telephone pole!"


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She
described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama.
Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all
wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful
little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."


A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think
Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"
"No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"


A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been
how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
But, there is a
higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out,


Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in
Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses
behind enemy
lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of
Egypt . When
he got to the
Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and
all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed
headquarters for
reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the
bridge and all the
Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really
what your teacher taught you?"
his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But,
if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe it!"


A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class
memorize one of
the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23.
She gave the
youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick
was excited about
the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm.
After much
practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the
kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front
of the congregation,
Ricky was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Church Smiles

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible
her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable
in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered
the lady.


While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to
an Amish
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously
had a sense of humor,
because attached to the back
of the carriage was a hand-printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step
in exhaust.''


Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter
what the
lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get
your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that
Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy Comforter
is coming."

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